I went into my favorite bar last night, and I saw one of my good friends sitting alone, looking depressed. I went over to him and asked what was wrong, he told me “I just caught my wife cheating on me with my best friend.”
“That’s horrible,” I told him. “What did you tell your wife?”
“I told her to pack her bags and get the hell out!” He said.
“And what did you say to your best friend?” I asked.
“BAD DOG!” He replied.
A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”
“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”
“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”
“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would.”
“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?”
“Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It’s going to last along time, so I guess she would.”
“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”
“Oh, no,” the husband replies. “She’s left-handed.”
A lawyer who works in Seattle gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going. The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone.
After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman! The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there is the emergency of which he must take care.
So, he tells the maid to go and get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.
She protests! The lawyer explains that under Washington State law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover. Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it.
She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears a scream, the sound of two gun shots, some loud thumps and finally, two splashes.
The maid comes back to the phone. The lawyer asks, “Did you kill them?”
“Yes,” she replies.
The lawyer questions her again, “What did you do with the bodies?”
“I threw them in the pool,” she responds.
There is a brief pause from the lawyer. He asks her, “Did you say the POOL?”
“Yes! I threw them in the pool!” she says.
“Uh, is this 555-8234?”