Fornication has numerous reasons of psychological, social, neuro-physiological, emotional, intellectual and moral background. Each and every individual has his or her own reasons for that, depending not just on a specific situation and circumstances but on the traits of personality. Besides, the reasons of unfaithfulness are also connected with gender differences associated with the psychological peculiarities of gender. Let us discuss this category of reasons in details. According to the common knowledge, there is a double standard regarding men’s and women’s affairs. For example, men’s affairs are considered as an innocent prank, a physiological need, which can (and even should) be accomplished with any woman. Otherwise, negative energy would be accumulated which would lead to health problems. The view on men’s cheating is much less strict than that of women’s. Therefore men can be considered the supporters of the double standard- the behavior, “allowing” men to cheat and “forbidding” women to do it. As far as one-night stands are concerned, men do not even think of them as cheating. However, women have the same demands to both genders. A modern woman still has values of a homemaker. Women’s views on unfaithfulness are very strict, they prohibit cheating for both sexes. There are a lot of reasons for male unfaithfulness. Let’s consider the most common ones.
Why do men cheat?
1. The intense sexual desire doesn’t mean any emotional or spiritual connection between people. In this case men cheat with a woman they just met or she can be a co-worker, an old friend or his friend’s wife. These affairs do not last long.
2. Temporary absence of a wife, i.e. her going on a business trip, vacation, treatment, etc. The separation with a wife is often considered by a man as a reason for looking for a temporary substitution.
3. The influence of accidental circumstances. Alcohol intoxication, especially to the lower extent, increases sexual desire and reduces inner taboos. Many men believe that alcohol intake is a direct cause for an affair. However, this condition should be rather considered as a circumstance leading to an affair.
4. Love for another woman. In this case sex is a matter-of-course detail in a complex mechanism of human relations based on love.
5. Woman’s initiative and insistence. In this case man’s code of honor does not let him insult a woman by rejection and show his own inability. Nowadays this reason of men’s affairs is caused by the following circumstance. In big cities more than 30% of middle-aged women are not married. However, they are ready to start sexual relations with a man regardless of his marital status. Moreover, they consider the man their “lawful trophy”. According to psychologists’ opinion, the majority of modern single women are willing to have sexual relations with a married man if they like him. Although 20 years ago many of them preferred singleness to an affair with a married man. Similar research of single women’s sexual life ages 35-40 in Warsaw and Krakow conducted by Anjey Kubyak in 1998 showed that 75% of those women have or had an affair with a married man. According to information given by some married men, many of them did not even think about cheating on their wives, moreover they would prefer to be faithful but they could not handle the temptation of such an “adventure”, moreover if this adventure comes up to them itself.
6. Self-affirmation. Men’s self-esteem amuses itself in a number of sexual trophies which are vitally important for them. Particularly it characterizes those men who could not or did not want to fulfill their career ambitions. Not having reached the career goals, they strive to compensate their professional failures with achievements in sexual life. These men cheat not only on their wives but on their lovers as well. They tend to have several sex partners at the same time: one of them is for their regular visits, another – just for casual sex and still other needs a strict schedule for visiting, ex. once a month. Psychologists’ research reveals the following: the more successful a man professionally, the less likely he cheats.
7. Revenge. (for humiliation, cheating, etc.) A lot of affairs take place during arguments with a wife, in a fit of temper or if a man wants to revenge and show his independence.
8. Looking for a change, striving to experience new emotions and feelings. A man gets bored with a family life. It’s not just the same conversations, lack of spiritual stimulus, but often –monotony of the sexual life. Having an affair, a man experiences the beauty of new and undiscovered emotions and impressions. Sometimes he cheats just out of curiosity and desire for more pleasures.
9. Praise for his success. This reason for an affair appeared in Russia in a circle of rich men during the last decade. Self-affirmation through showing his professional qualities is very important for a man, that is why he gives so much time and efforts to his career. Sooner or later big success comes to those who are hardworking and persistent and a man decides to praise himself by having a lover. Sometimes these men can not retain the role of a winner in all fields of life and they start getting fearful. Subconsciously they are scared of demons’ revenge for their successful fate. Having started an affair and made sure his wife found it out, a husband intentionally destroys his marriage. Failure in one sphere of life, in this particular case- in a family life, gives them a chance to have success in another one- professional or personal, because he feel free and independent, not tied up by any taboos and commitments. This “praised condition” lasts till a man gets married again.
Along with the reasons of male unfaithfulness mentioned above, one can point at some more peculiarities of husbands capable of cheating. A man cheats without looking back, mistakenly counting on his own energy. If his wife finds out about his cheating, he has enough patience to comfort her with gifts and promises of never repeating it again. And still he understands that he would not be able to keep his promise. Besides, men are relatively free in decision-making regarding such a delicate matter as love affair. The vast majority of them play their love games according to their own desires even when they pursue materialistic interests. The behavioral thesis “Life is short and is given only once” justifies any of their affairs, though the majority of unfaithful husbands consider their marriage to be quite happy, whereas unfaithful wives believe that it is not. Female unfaithfulness is so-called “runaway” from disappointing her marital relations. The fact that their husbands do not give women time, attention, love, emotional support and do not help them around the house is very disappointing and it makes a woman seek all that she lacks in her marriage outside of it.