Portrait of a Cheating Spouse
How would a cheating spouse appear in the eyes of the partner or in the eyes of an observer? Will cheaters appear any different from their usual selves when subjected to careful scrutiny or even a casual observation? Although there is no exact physical description of a cheating spouse, certain changes and behavioral manifestations can provide a portrait of a cheating spouse. A cheating spouse will look better than usual because of efforts made to achieve the improvement. A new haircut, a change in wardrobe, or an unfamiliar perfume can be used to draw attention. A trimmer body courtesy of regular workouts can be used to sustain the interest. There is great care in appearance even for seemingly trivial trips outside the house and the word overdressed easily comes to mind.
A cheating spouse will appear inspired more than usual as an after and recurring effect of finding sought attention, appreciation and support from another. Things that used to irritate become acceptable such as frequent overtime work of spouse since a cheating spouse relishes whatever available time can be used to pursue an affair. There appears to be no more need for the presence of the spouse in every important occasion or activity since someone else is filling in the spouse’s shoes quite comfortably. Episodes of day-dreaming are quite often.
The portrait of a cheating spouse is a person who takes better care of himself/herself and goes about with a certain unexplained glow that is clearly not supplied by the spouse. He/she will appear less needy of the spouse’s presence and actually appears relieved when the spouse has his/her own reasons to be away. He/she will no longer care if the spouse comes home late at night since he/she has someone else on his/her mind.
A cheating spouse requires more privacy than usual. Handling calls or using a computer requires transferring to another room or closing the door. The cheater will appear jumpy and extremely alert of unusual calls at ungodly hours. There is great reluctance in parting with the phone or computer even when going to the bathroom.
A cheating spouse will find every reason to spend time outside the house either for overtime work, business trips or night-outs with “friends”. Meeting with these people specifically exclude the faithful spouse for every conceivable reason. Family time also becomes the least of priorities as the cheater purposely avoids socializing with common friends and relatives. The portrait of a cheating spouse is that of a person that goes extreme on privacy and time away from home. He/she would try to overcompensate at the beginning because of guilt but would eventually relax on spousal and family obligations and responsibilities as more of his/her personal time is demanded by the lover and the extra-marital affair.
A cheating spouse can either exhibit a decreased desire for intimacy or the extreme opposite. He/she will try to avoid all forms of intimacy or become daringly experimental in sexual activity. A sexual behavior that deviates from the usual is brought about by the experience with another. A cheating spouse tends to pick fights at every instance to avoid intimacy or have a reason to leave the home. Unusual sexual demands are carried over from the extra-marital affair. Insults and blaming words usually form part of a cheater’s behavior in an effort to justify his/her actions.
The portrait of a cheating spouse is that of a person that is distant in spite of physical proximity. He/she sees no good on the spouse to keep up his/her belief that everything is the spouse’s fault. It has to be done or else the fault will fall on him/her and that serves no purpose for a heart set to cheat.
The portrait of a cheating spouse is not the same in all cases. This is what makes cheating sometimes difficult to confirm. Doubting spouses have to form their own picture by connecting the parts through tell-tale signs.